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Tag: poetry

Musing

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

Someone is singing an opera in my backyard as I write; they’ve been at it all morning. My Merlin app tells me they are a Northern Flicker, a visually beautiful dear soul with dotted plumage, yet I cannot catch even one tiny glance. They prefer to sing from deep within the leafing branches of the maple tree, and perhaps their song is one of lament because I am not able to see them. Yes, I put myself at the center of their song.

I don’t know what to tell you.

Hmm.

Does anyone else have trouble starting a ‘Slice of Life,’ now that the March challenge is over and the writing is not daily? 

Which personal thread to grab onto and run-write with it? 

I simply don’t know.

I could tell you about my relaxing weekend in the woods, on retreat with my book group. I could write about our conversation about Ann Patchett’s Tom Lake. Oh, and how a few of us watched the 1940 film classic of Our Town, as a little ‘background’ for the book. 

(Should I tell you how surprising it was that this movie deigned to create a new ‘happy’ ending for Thornton Wilder’s play?)

I could focus on just one hike, share with you the sweet spring growth I observed. Here are a couple photos of this emergence:

Oh, but I’ve shared about countless hikes in this space.

How about I tell you about the book I’m reading – Terrance Hayes’ Watch Your Language? I am absolutely awed by his witty and playful writing, how he draws clever doodles throughout the book, and simultaneously offers so much scholarly wisdom on Black poets and the history of modern poetry in general. He is piercing many myths I have swallowed whole. With every page, my understanding and curiosity about poetry expands.

I don’t know where to begin.

Consider this excerpt about Gwendolyn Brooks, as he considers the historical timeline of ‘modern great poets’ –

Brooks makes any conversation about American poetry of the last half century more interesting. Brooks was born in 1917, the same year as Robert Lowell, who won the Pulitzer in 1947, three years before Brooks. When he passed in 1977 Lowell was considered one of the chief poets of the twentieth century. He taught both Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath. His family history could be traced back to the Mayflower.

As Robert Lowell is to Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath, Brooks is to several generations of poets. Brooks met with James Baldwin and many Black poets of the era in her living room. I wish there was a better record of her relationship with Sonia Sanchez, their chats about motherhood, poetry, Blackness, community. Sonia Sanchez published her debut, Homecoming, in 1969, the same year Lucille Clifton published her debut, Good Times. Audre Lorde published The First Cities, her debut, in 1968. Brooks was a central figure in the work of all three poets.

Terrance Hayes, Watch Your Language, pp 24-25
He notes, 
“She often goes unacknowledged the way caretakers and angels go unacknowledged.”

Terrance Hayes’ writing sends me tumbling, makes me pause, reflect, and re-read. He makes me wonder about all the details that were left out of my schooling. I chase down my Gwendolyn Brooks poetry book and lose myself within.

There is so much I was never taught.
There is so much that was so dull about the way I was taught.
There is so much more to learn.

Why was I never challenged to question?

I don’t know what to tell you.

Let me close with a poem I wrote yesterday for Ethical ELA, where Angie Braaten prompted us to write an elegy, with inspiration from Clint Smith's poem “Playground Elegy.” Honestly, I think all of my above rambles fed into this poem:
Textbook Elegy

The first time       I penned                  my name and date
in that       rectangle stamp       of the history textbook 
reading the     names of students     from years before 
I turned   quickly   to      chapter one,              devouring. 
Each   line      of text     so pure and real and insightful.
I studied every page and absorbed  great knowledge.
I looked forward      to the next year’s               textbook
revealing    so much                 more                 of the world.
It would be  years   before I noticed its     white space. 
I knew sanitized only from the bathroom.          I knew
sifted from cakes,                      left out from friendships,
omitted from   don’t say that      around mom and dad. 
I didn’t know                 what                              I didn’t know. 
I read with joy,                     absorbing believing trusting.
Now I wonder who   powers  every single line of text
and do students wonder about this and does anyone
know         what is not written.  
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Shedding the Wild

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

I gazed out the window while chatting on the phone with a friend, and froze mid-conversation – uh! I’ve gotta go! I’ll call you back! Sorry! – and I immediately disconnected. I was astounded at the sight. He was sitting right at the corner of our shed, not quite licking his paws, but as if this was where he belonged, as if he didn’t have a care in the world, as if his owners hadn’t spent the last week plus looking furiously for this little fellow. Oh my goodness! There’s Dear One! In our backyard!

I wrote last week about my neighbor’s cat slipping from their house during a plumbing fiasco, and the sad unease that had settled over all of us when the cat could not be found. This seems the perfect story for today’s slice: Dear One is back home, safe and sound. 

On EthicalELA’s #VerseLove on April 7, the host James suggested honing in on “a fleeting moment, [where] everything seemed glorious and wonderful and possible.” Finding the lost cat was exactly this, as if everything was back in place as it should be. I had fun writing my first Chōka poem in response to this prompt, about the cat coming back. (As explained on #VerseLove, Chōka is a Japanese style of poetry, of indefinite length, consisting of alternating lines of 5 and 7 syllables, with an extra 7-syllable line at the end.) Here is my poem:

you are home again

cold rains bruising breeze
where have you run to for warmth
days of wondering
you slipped out an open door
away from two who
love you feed you tend to you
little cat dear one
everyone’s looking for you
seven days of sad
fearful nights as foxes creep
never you, no you
what can we do but accept
your forever loss?

wait, that’s YOU in our backyard
sitting so pleased with yourself

What I did not express in that poem, however, was the wild fiasco of the chase to catch the cat. Oh my! Seriously, someone should have filmed the adventure for the sheer humor of it. 

I dropped my phone call without explanation and phoned my neighbor, who did not answer. I cautiously opened my back door, stepped out into the cold, muddy yard in my socks, called out softly to Dear One, only to send the cat running away, under our shed. I yelped “STOP!” (not an effective word for a cat, in retrospect) and ran to my neighbor’s house, who – thankfully – was out in his backyard. 

“Quick! Come! He’s in my backyard!!” 

We raced back towards the shed and got down on our bellies to look under it. Together, we tried to cajole the cat to come out from the back recesses. We tried to stretch our bodies long and wide enough around the circumference of the shed to limit the cat’s exit, both of us pleading with tsih-tsih-tsih, kitty-kitty-kitty. My neighbor raced home to collect the humane cage that he’d set up in his backyard, in hopes of catching Dear One. We searched for rocks and bricks to block some of the gaps under the shed, hoping to funnel him towards the cage. We tried to gently poke and prod Dear One, singing and cooing his name, and we offered him food, all to no avail. Dear One watched us with wide scared eyes.  

My husband returned home from an errand at this point of the chase. He’s unable to see my neighbor at the far end of the shed, and instead finds only me, crouched, talking to someone invisible. He paused. Then, he asked – “uh, is everything alright?” 

No time for small talk! Tony drops what he was doing and joins us, trying to bring Dear One back to safety. “Anxious” has been the cat’s personality since his earliest days, and this situation had him cowering and overwhelmed; he was not coming out from under that shed.  

We step back to rethink, reevaluate. I retreat for a brief moment and put on my shoes. Then, the grand (and ultimately successful?) plan: Tony and I will block the sides of the shed while our neighbor sprays a bit of water onto Dear One with the hose – gently, oh so gently. The cage is placed “at the exit.” 

Ready, set, let it flow!

In a heartbeat, Dear One surprises us, finding a new and unexpected exit from beneath the shed (makes his way out of no way) and we are all three wildly chasing him along the tight squeeze behind the shed.

(I am immediately reminded of a wayward preschooler who slipped out the school gate towards a very busy road, and it was ‘all hands on deck,’ chasing the errant fellow.)

FINALLY, my neighbor scoops him up – only to have a very frightened Dear One howl, scratch, and bite him. OUCH!! He pops the cat into the waiting cage. 

My neighbor’s eyes glistened with joy.

It feels like a small miracle, a hard-earned one, to have that cat back home.

Just today, I returned home from a walk to see Dear One cozily asleep in the front window of his home. My neighbors say that he has been so happy to be home again – purring all the time, staying close by their sides, and demanding to be petted. He has lost a good bit of his anxious aloofness, wanting their company. He has also lost a lot of weight after a week on his own, and they are spoiling him with his favorite foods. All is right with the world. 

One wonders what went on while he was ‘in the wild.’ 

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#SOL24-25 No Fanfare

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

As I set the table for our family brunch, I had this moment of amazement: our youngest grandchild eats with a regular plate, a regular fork, and a regular cup. Everyone has a place setting of “adult-ware.” Wait – when did this happen? We have a bin full of children’s unbreakable dishes and tiny spoons and forks, and no one needs them anymore. We babysit the grandkids for a day or two each week, and somehow I missed this? How long have we been serving them with regular utensils? Right under our eyes, they have moved on. I wasn’t even aware that there was a ‘last time.’

There must be countless other examples; let me think –

  • all the baby clothes that no longer fit 
  • now they put on their own socks and shoes
  • they open their own yogurts and cheese sticks 
  • they know how to wash and dry their hands
  • when I am watering plants, they actually help me … whoa …

When we go for a walk these days, it’s the baby dolls who get strolled – and the granddaughters who do the pushing and caregiving.

Our babies have grown. 

I seriously don’t know when it happened, and I wish there was some way to slow it down. Yes, yes, I realize they are still quite little (ages 5 and 3), but this is astounding to me. 

From one stage to the next, time passes almost invisibly. No fanfare, no pushing, no demanding, it just happens, in the midst of living. 

I tried my hand at a triolet, to hold my reflections –

holding you close

oh my sweet dear one 
tender as morning dew
kissed by adoring sun
oh my sweet dear one
life’s magic being spun 
beaming light anew
oh my sweet dear one 
tender as morning dew

#SOL24-20 Create

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

It is morning and I am seated by the window, writing into the day. I remember small moments of yesterday, follow a random thought into something new, and toy with poetry. He is seated at the piano, nearby, in the front room, creating soft melodies. He delves into songs he once knew well, finding these in weathered music books, concentrates on matching his hand placement to the notes, and begins practicing. 

I love to write while he plays piano. There is something so soothing about the melodies he chooses, which are never intrusive to my thoughts, and simply alongside, freeing me. 

I took over this chair by the window when I retired from teaching in June 2020, in the midst of the pandemic. Writing, writing, writing. Puzzling over poetry prompts, remembering something from childhood and trying to tease it out, trying to write a story from start to finish. Playing with words. I am convinced that writing has saved me from the most anxious parts of myself. I am reminded of the indigenous parable of ‘the wolf you feed’  where there is a battle of good and evil within oneself. (I like this synopsis by the artist Aida Muluneh.) For me, the battle is between being calm, present, and clear-thinking, versus anxious, worried, and terrified about the world. My morning writing sets me up for a better day, one less ridden with anxiety. 

Tony, on the other hand, wakes up “doing.” He wakes up early, and gets going. He is always thinking about what needs fixing, what food we need to fetch at the grocery, who will be dropping by, and where we need to be at what time. First thing in the morning, he heads outside, to tinker in the garage or the yard. He might be up on a ladder, clearing the gutters of leaves and debris before the next storm, or digging up weeds along the front walk. He is a busy guy, and he keeps this house functioning, I am certain of it. I am so grateful for him. He finds what needs doing and he goes after it. 

He and I both noticed, with the exception of sitting and toying with the keys alongside our granddaughters, he was never playing the piano. 

He is also frustrated and anxious about this world and the direction it seems to be heading. We live in the Washington, D.C. suburbs, and we really have to work to NOT be immersed in all the ugly all the time. I think one big part of Tony’s getting caught up in small tasks is because he is stewing about the latest horrible news or worrying about a family member. Our efforts to make the world a better place seem so small and fruitless, and the problems so vast and daunting. 

He loves to play the piano, and he was putting it last on his list. 

So we set this fun new year’s intention: let’s both succumb to morning creative practice. A new routine was initiated: I write and he plays piano, and we strive for at least twenty minutes a morning, together but separate. On days when we are at home and we don’t have to babysit or rush out to an appointment, let’s put ‘play’ first, ahead of reading those headlines, ahead of all our to-do’s and worries. Some three months into the new year, our resolve to sit and play in our own fun creative way, is still going strong. We are often engaged in our pastimes for longer than the planned twenty minutes.

There seems to still be plenty of time to get to all our tasks.

It is amazing to me, to have time to play like this; I know it is a very precious gift of retirement. To spend time in such softness never felt possible during our careers, when morning meant the early morning alarm going off, rushing to get ready, to get the children ready, to get out, go, go, go. If I could turn back time, I’d do it differently, and make creative play a priority. Taking time to create is good for the mind, soul, and heart. 

Writing has become a daily prayer for me – how I seek solace, how I lament, how I amend my ways, and how I find hope. I think Tony’s piano playing is a similar release.

The granddaughters love to tinker with the piano, too.

Keeping on this theme, I wrote a poem, thanks to inspiration by Shelley Martin-Young on today’s OpenWrite poetry at Ethical ELA

Release

with each year of living
comes pain of witnessing

the young husband 
who disappears 
declaring the marriage over

the teenager
found on the floor in the basement 
drowning in addiction and depression

the mom 
who starves herself as she
descends into suicidal darkness

the father 
who admits 
his life has been one big lie

the legacy of straw households 
wobbly built on secrets 
and judgment 
and hurt

days of helplessness
trying to breathe
needing hope

put pen to paper and let 
myself spiral 
just for a moment
let go
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#SOL24-19 Independence

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

Today, she made her own lunch.

Insisted on it. 

Determined.

She is three years old. 

Which simply means: 

She wants and knows and must. 

Everything. 

Always. 

She can do. 

One slice of potato bread

On a grown up plate

She leaned over the big jar

Dug deep and scooped

Strawberry jam

Dropping a spoonful on the bread

Working like an artist

Spread the sweetness

With a butter knife

Drawing into the corners

Meeting each edge

Concentrating

Next, the cream cheese

A second knife from the drawer

(Nana’s eyes widen – it is sharp!)

She scratched and fiddled

Lips pursed

Leaning into the gooey spread

Wanting it on her bread

One index finger helping

Holding the bread in place

Never giving up

Big sigh of success

Two hands fold

The bread together

Eyes twinkle 

Huge smile

She takes her first bite

Best. Sandwich. Ever.

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#SOL24-14 Wonder

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

If you and I were home, sipping tea, talking about favorite places to be, I’d assure you I love the mountains. I’d say, put me in the woods, let me hike and climb. The mountains are filled with such beauty and wonder. Yes, mountains are my most favorite place.  

But, hey, how can I deny the sea? I may not be a sunbather, but there really is no such thing as a bad day at the beach. It is glorious to walk alongside, and to be amazed. 

This old photo shows I have always loved being at the ocean, too. 

I’ve been writing a poem a day in 2024, and vacation doesn’t give me a pass. Today’s poem celebrates the wondrous sights of our beach vacation.

Hilton Head Island 

Low Tide mingles with New Moon 
Rippling waves begin to dance
Alligators sun at the lagoon
Osprey hides on a branch

Slender Fish jumps high with glee
Driftwood floats slowly along
Great Heron glides just beneath
Yellow Warbler creates a song

Shorebirds gather on found wood
Dolphins play hide and seek 
How still Snowy Egret stood
As we laze upon the beach

#SOL24-13 Strands

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

When my granddaughters play with Mardi Gras beads, the necklaces invariably get all tangled up together, into one big mash up of colorful plastic, where it is nearly impossible to find a beginning string or a way to separate them. The girls always bring the mess to me and sit right at my elbow as I struggle. There is no right way to approach the glob; any strand can be pulled out, in any order. When order is resumed, it is often mere minutes before the girls have tangled them up again. I’ve wondered if maybe this is the point of the girls’ play, to purposefully tie these chains up into each other, just to watch me fuss, taking them apart. 

Yes, I hid the necklaces in a cabinet after one long morning of this “fun” recently.

Where to begin a short introductory story on Hilton Head Island and me? My many memories and reflections are similar to that knot of beads. I’m here and I’m lost in thought, trying to tease things apart. 

Should I tell you how I first visited here when I was in grad school at the University of South Carolina, how my grandmother’s cousin had bought a home here on the ‘old, established’ part of the island, and she welcomed me for a weekend? I remember feeling so out of place, in this quiet, secluded, beautiful beach location. It felt far too fancy for me. 

Is there a necklace strand for before the island’s development? What is the history of this place? Who were the indigenous peoples? Who were the Black slaves who worked the plantations?

There’s now a strand for the Gullah people, buried in the cemetery we happened upon, that I wrote about yesterday

There’s another strand of necklace, with my parents retiring here, buying that cousin’s home, when she and her husband needed to move into assisted-living in their frail, elderly years. My parents had many happy years here, far from all five of their children/families, enjoying their independence and the beauty of this island. 

Tony and I did make many happy spring break trips here with the boys, over the years.

Notice the strand, always present, of how uncomfortable I was that the community was “gated,” only for owners and their guests, and almost everyone was white.

There’s a strand where my parents encounter their own health crises, how Mom aged into dementia and Dad into Parkinson’s, a ten year period where we ‘kids’ made countless depressing trips to offer additional care. I lived closest to them, some ten hours north. Finally, my parents moved into assisted-living near my brother, in Maine. Oh, and then we had the ugly task of clearing out their home here and putting it up for sale, leaving us all a good bit soured on ‘life on the island.’

This week’s vacation features a strand where we pedaled by my parents’ old home and it’s been completely transformed and is now a rental property that we cannot afford to lease. All the beautiful landscaping that my father tended daily – well, that has been eliminated and replaced by a pool. 

When our vacation week ends, I wonder if all these melancholy musings will be back up on a shelf, like those Mardi Gras necklaces.

starfish stranded
weeping for its ocean home
died alone
while all the tourists oohed and aahed
at their find
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#SOL24-9 My Eyes

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

My eyes were irritated, and more so in my left one. I hoped it was a simple infection, another byproduct of time with grandchildren, but a glance in the mirror confirmed my fears: there was no redness and no visual difference between the two eyes. 

This means it must be the mole.

Somehow, I missed all the marks of my anxiety’s favorite game – feeling unusual symptoms just before my annual eye doctor appointment. 

Thirty years ago, my eye doctor discovered a mole behind my left eye, an internal mole, something that can’t be seen without a special camera. He assured me that it is probably nothing, yet he has to take a picture of it every year and compare its size and shape to that of the year before. It has not changed one iota in thirty years, except perhaps in its ability to make me fret. Aging is weird like that. My father had all sorts of problems with one eye and was basically blind in it by the end of his life, and this invisible-to-me mole feels like some parallel to his health issues. Regardless of the doctor’s reassurances. 

At the eye doctor’s, I had my usual thorough exam. I read the vision chart. The doctor dilated my eyes and I waited alone in the dark with my active imagination. He returned and we sat knee to knee with my chin in the stirrup of the eye machine while he issued commands about staring straight, looking this way, no blinking. I moved to the second room and sat perfectly still at the eye camera and stared into a bright green star without blinking, over and over again, each eye. 

Everything. Was. Absolutely. Normal. 

No change in the size of the mole, no changes in my eyeglass prescription, even. All is fine. What a waste of time worry is! Though it did leave me with a poem:

my eye 

feels dusty
filmy 
off
there’s something 
pestering 
in the most benign way
as if 
somehow 
a spot of honey
slipped onto 
an eyelash or two
and each blink 
kisses
other eyelashes 
which struggle to separate
from the sticky caress

double vision? no
spots? no
blindness? not yet

I just feel odd
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#SOL24-4 Children’s Time

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

As soon the.children stream down the aisle in pursuit of the altar, I break into smiles. Each Sunday service includes a children’s time, where the children sit and talk with the pastor for a few minutes. They are invariably all over the place, full of energy and joy. The mood is conversational, with lots of back-and-forth between the pastor and the children. It takes a lot of skill, I think, to ‘herd cats’ in this way – to share an engaging spiritual reflection for the children to digest, while inviting their questions, and moving the lesson along efficiently. All the while, the pastor is balancing the children’s wiggles and moods and unexpected tangents. I am awed by his patience; he seems to truly enjoy the children, and never seems to mind their time together going a bit sideways. 

Today, I am still smiling from a simple misunderstanding by one young child, and can’t help thinking her confusion makes a good message all on its own. I wrote a poem to share the story:

Isaiah 61:1

on Sunday
a child
misheard
the reading
and asked
bewilderedly
insistently
understandably
perplexed
why but why why why
has the spirit of the Lord
annoyed me?

brilliant
forthright
out of the mouths of babes

are we
bringing good news to the poor?
the brokenhearted?
the prisoners?

perhaps
to be anointed
we need to be more
annoyed

truth to power
rise up
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#SOL24-3 Suffering

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!
I have a kind of unease,
a prickly sensation,
a coldness in my bones
when I’m around a certain type 
of easy chatter
superficial back and forth 
embedded in a distancing 

a loved one doing their best to fake it
to cover up pain

I grew up reading 
the room
weighing the change in tone
hearing the false perkiness 
masking

exhaustion
giving up
hollow

A dear friend is ensnared with depression. I have watched it build in recent years. Who knows the root? A frightening diagnosis from a doctor, perhaps. Recovery that feels less than complete, perhaps. The loneliness and fear of the pandemic, perhaps. I don’t know, I can’t possibly know. Is it ever one thing sending us tumbling into this hard sad numbness? 

We women of a certain age often speak about ‘not letting ourselves go,’ trying to age with strength. We mean this mostly in the physical sense and we share about our morning stretching routines, daily walks, or a new fun exercise class. Being with this dear person, all these daily routines feel so foolish and inadequate. Depression is a poison, permeating the body, turning routines into mush. There is no ability to engage, to have a project or a pastime, to enjoy a long walk. An eerie distancing from all and everything. 

Every outreach I make feels useless, a band aid when someone is hemorrhaging. I feel myself losing her. She is hurting and I am struggling, too.

an unknown invisible misery
weaves within you
spreading mysteriously
in ways unforeseen 
leaving you so troubled
pulsating with fear and anxiety 
I do not understand
you so bold and beautiful
now sitting in sad eerie silence
bereft of oomph or desire
where have you gone, dear one?
how might I help you 
move forward in the dark?
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