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Month: March 2024

#SOL24-31 Endings

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
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How to close out this fabulous month of writing? I simply don’t know how to end or where to start. This month in community has been so rich with ideas and connections. Our last day together is like reading a really good book – I do not want our stories to end. 

I hope everyone will continue to share slices on Tuesdays with Two Writing Teachers. Thank you for all your thoughtful and caring comments on my blog. Thank you, especially, for all the wonderful new places that your writing has taken me. It has been a great month! 

Endings are uneven. They come in so many different varieties, and of all sizes. Some hurt, some make us smile, everything changes, always. I remind myself, endings are always thresholds to beginnings, to something new. To conclude is to start. I wrote a little poem to capture these musings. 

Endings

one sip of tea left in the bottom of the cup
thunderous applause and a final bow
one more hill to climb and then we rest
a door inadvertently left open, a beloved cat slips out
no running water in the house
three in the afternoon brings quiet to the classroom
an alarm wails
unkind words fester within one’s heart
a marriage dissolves
a daffodil fades and falls gently to the ground
the builders reject the stone
hushed voices at bedtime
the bridge collapses
a river goes dry
breathes his last 
the pastor shares the benediction
the stars come out
dessert 

a concluding refrain, final stanza, closing words
a period at end of sentence
last day of the month
March 31st, Slice of Life Story Challenge ends

                                                                                              . . . and . . .
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#SOL24-30 Three

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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As his colleagues shared their farewells, I took notes:

“an upstanding man”
“a mentor, a coach, a friend”
“he assured everyone who worked with him, especially his interns, ‘this place is full of opportunities; if this is something you are interested in - go for it.”

I was the proverbial fly on the wall, listening and learning, at my brother’s retirement.

My brother “Three” ( of my four brothers) and I are thirteen months apart in age and have always been close. We both settled in the Washington, D.C. area after college. (Isn’t ‘settled’ a funny word to describe all the ups and downs, the gyrations, the unpredictability of life, anywhere?) The years have tumbled by, with so many loving connections – we hung out together as young singles, then we each got married, followed by a blur of years raising children, hosting playdates and sleepovers between our boys, family holidays and special dinners, supporting our parents in their declining health, music concerts, road races, and other fun pastimes, and holding each other up in times of grief and challenge. We have always shared stories about work with one another, but honestly, work life was never the primary topic of conversation – especially, I think, because we weren’t in the same field. He was a broadcaster and I was a teacher.

I knew he loved his work though.

When he was a child, he loved two things: sports and radio. He was always running around, playing sports, every imaginable physical game that came his way:  basketball, football, ping-pong, racquetball, baseball, tennis, whatever. Basketball was his all-time favorite sport. He also loved to listen to the radio. He played with the dial constantly, sifted through the AM stations, kept his ear out for Casey Kasem Top 40, and rushed to respond to “be the tenth caller…,” hoping to win a prize.

He won a huge prize career-wise: finding work that wove together those two childhood interests. Three just retired from a long career with Voice of America. Let me share this from VOA’s mission statement:

Since its creation in 1942, Voice of America has been committed to providing comprehensive coverage of the news and telling audiences the truth. Through World War II, the Cold War, the fight against global terrorism, and the struggle for freedom around the globe today, VOA exemplifies the principles of a free press.

Voice of America, https://www.insidevoa.com/p/5831.html

My brother Three hosted an English language radio show broadcast to Africa about his one great love in life: sports. 

Here I was at his retirement, visiting VOA for the first time ever. We arrived at his office near the Mall in Washington, D.C. just in time to witness a motorcade on a neighboring street – police on motorcycles escorting seven black SUVs, sirens blaring. It made me smile to see this, thinking about how many years this was my daily experience, being in the midst of this hustle and bustle. Now, I am like a tourist, oohing and aahing, trying to guess what important person is being chaperoned to the U.S. Capitol.

The VOA building was fascinating. These flags in the entry hall represent all the different languages in which broadcasts are offered:

I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of his retirement function. I quickly assessed how much his colleagues loved him. What a wonderful experience for me, his big sister, to hear these accolades! It was so amazing to view him through this whole new lens.

The line that made me laugh so much:

“If the race was between two dead turtles, he’d still make the race exciting.”

This was one compliment made my eyes water:

He offered me space and freedom to create and express the way I wanted and then he cheered me on.

He would have made a very fine teacher, I think. (Yes, big sister here, having the last word.)

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#SOL24-29 Soft Words

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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If we took violence out of our everyday language, would we notice more clearly the violence in the world? Does our language itself numb us to real pain and tragedy in the world, becoming almost a blanket or a throw that we hide beneath, normalizing the horrors around us?

These aren’t really my thoughts, but a paraphrasing or extension of the poet Ocean Vuong’s. He speaks about the preponderance of weaponized words in our ordinary vocabulary (Krista Tippett, On Being, “A Life Worth of Our Breath” April 30, 2020/updated May 3, 2023) and his message lingers in my head. I repeated some of his thoughts to a friend, reading from the transcript:

I think we’re still very primitive in the way we use language and speak, particularly in how we celebrate ourselves — “You’re killing it.”

But one has to wonder, what is it about a culture that can only value itself through the lexicon of death? I grew up in New England, and I heard boys talk about pleasure as conquest. “I bagged her. She’s in the bag. I owned it. I owned that place. I knocked it out of the park. I went in there, guns blazing. Go knock ‘em dead. Drop dead gorgeous. Slay — I slayed them. I slew them.” What happens to our imagination, when we can only celebrate ourselves through our very vanishing?

Ocean Vuong,
On Being with Krista Tippett,
April 30, 2020/updated May 3, 2023

I said to my friend, I wonder how often we do this? How often are we using violent metaphors and phrasing?

She shot me down, I mean, she denied the possibility, saying “I never do that; maybe you do it, because you come from a military family.” 

Well, I didn’t argue with her, but I think we all use these expressions. I think Ocean Vuong is right about our language being steeped with such references. I told my friend that I really want to work on this in my own language, to pay more close attention to my verbal minefield   – I mean, the vocabulary I speak, to watch my words and notice where I slip. I started a log of ‘violent’ words that I use and hear, times when I invoke ‘death’ or cruel or brutal terms when I am actually conveying something much lighter. 

I took a shot at it. I wondered. I guessed. 

In my word journal, I write and practice ‘rewrites,’ writing the message anew by using words that offer softness, love, and kindness. 

Honestly, I am surprised by how ubiquitous this ‘verbal tic’ is for me – and how heightened my awareness when these terms are used by others. Here are a couple entries from my log:

  1. I have a love ritual at bedtime with my grandchildren, where I dump a bin of their stuffed animals on top of them after I tuck them in…yes, it’s rather silly, but it is great fun for the littles. I realized I was saying “I’m going to bombard you!” – and my immediate substitution was “I’m going to get you!” (which sounded rather ‘attacking,’ I think). After some thought, I changed the words of the game to, “Here comes a rainstorm, oh my, such rain, today!”  This offers them a gentler image before sleep.
  2. Try to name what I love about the person rather than ‘dismissing’ their uniqueness with a canned line. “You are killing me!” becomes, perhaps, “You are so quick-witted!” 
  3. Bullet journal? Bullet lists? My goodness, everyone says this. How about “dot journal/lists”? Or an ‘itemized’ journal/list? This one has me flummoxed; what to substitute for bullet?
  4. What about the word trigger; why do I use this? Might it be substituted with “awaken” or “set off”? Scares me? Makes me uncomfortable? (To illustrate how often this term is used unnecessarily, I happened upon a prayer that read – I kid you not – ‘trigger my care, Lord” – and thought, why couldn’t this be written ‘awaken my care’?) 
  5. shoot from the hip; say instead, “just a wild guess here” or “I’m being a bit impulsive, but I wonder…”

There are many more entries; my list keeps growing longer and longer. Maybe there isn’t a one-to-one replacement for every one of these terms.  Maybe more than one word is needed. Maybe the whole context needs to be rewritten. Maybe it makes sense to use the terms at certain times. I do think this is worth thinking about and that these basic twists to my language are a positive step for me.

“We often tell our students, The future’s in your hands. But I think the future is actually in your mouth.”

-Ocean Vuong
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#SOL24-28 Tenebrae

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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Today is Maundy Thursday on the Christian calendar, a very solemn day of the Easter week, as it commemorates the day Jesus celebrated his final Passover. It is said that Jesus humbly washed the feet of his disciples after dinner that evening, and offered his greatest command

Love one another, as I have loved you

Our church has a beautiful Tenebrae service, a service of shadows. The church is lit with candles and there are a series of readings about Jesus’ suffering:

The Shadow of Betrayal | Matthew 26:20-25
The Shadow of Unfaithfulness | Mark 14:32-41
The Shadow of Desertion | Matthew 26:47-50, 55-56
The Shadow of Accusation | Matthew 26:59-67
The Shadow of Mockery | Mark 15:12-20
The Shadow of the Cross | Luke 23:33-46
Love is Stronger Than Death | John 13:34-35
The Word was God | John 1:14, 10, 12, 3:19

I am a participant in the readings, and after I read, I blow out a candle.  A moment of silence follows. The church becomes progressively darker, with each reading. 

This service of shadows fills me with deep reflection about pain and suffering in our world, what has always been, what is now, and must it always be? My mind sifts through the hurt, with a heightened awareness . . .

  • The horrific pain and shock, just this week, of a local and essential bridge, the Key Bridge in Baltimore, which was destroyed in approximately 40 seconds by a container ship carrying hazardous materials
  • The death of six construction workers in this tragedy; how immigrants do anonymous, difficult, and essential work, and endure such endless prejudice and hardship
  • The continued horrors of war and rampage in Gaza, Ukraine, Haiti, Myanmar, Yemen, in so many places throughout the world, leading to the death, suffering, and starvation of so many innocents
  • The endless hate and discrimination towards others, often in the name of religion, so antithetical to a loving God, I think
  • The growing, horrific appeal of christian nationalism, white supremacy, far-right, autocratic beliefs 
  • The assault on truth and freedom throughout the world; the barrage of corrosive headlines that greet me each morning; the explosion of fake news 
  • The personal hurts and traumas within our communities, heavy and invisible loads which we bear alone
  • How we fail at love

The final reading is offered by our minister, and when that candle is extinguished, there is total darkness in the church. We recess from the church and go our separate ways, in darkness and silence. 

How can one not be moved?

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#SOL24-27 Voices

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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So many voices yesterday, so much noise – one of those days when this introvert caves inside herself, yearning for quiet alone time, which appeared only as a mirage throughout the day. It is only now, the day after, that I am in my own thoughts and able to reflect. 

Cue a song, Mama said there’d be days like this.

No, please, no songs.

I am my own worst enemy at times. It was I that said, Hey! We might have batteries! when Bird discovered that her Elsa doll had an empty compartment on her back, hidden deep under that icey blue gown. At three years of age, Bird is all about dressing and undressing, whether herself or her dolls. I don’t know that I had ever witnessed Elsa in her bare plastic birthday suit. I never knew she had batteries – fascinating! Elsa is a hand-me-down from older sister; I had never heard the doll speak. Why didn’t I clue in that there might be a reason for this silencing of Elsa? There we were, looking for batteries of the right size, finding a small screwdriver to open the compartment, loading in the triple A’s, and voila! Big smiles all around. Push play!

Hi, I’m Elsa of Arendelle, she squawked, followed by the ear worm song, three simple words, two chirpy times: Let it go!! Let it go!!

Over and over and over again. Bird was absolutely delighted. Talk about pushing my buttons.

A painful while later, Bird undressed Elsa’s partner in crime, Anna, in search of a battery compartment. There wasn’t one! I didn’t know whether to do cartwheels at the absence of this, or advocate to Disney corporation for Anna’s right to speak. 

Yes, it was a noisy day with little Bird; this is but one stark example. Days with grandchildren are always livelier than my ‘normal’ life. Then, we were in the car driving her home, dropping her off. Bird clutched Elsa in her carseat and heeded my request to keep Elsa silent. When Mom reached in, to unbuckle her daughter, she inadvertently touched the on button on the silent one and

Hi, I’m Elsa of Arendelle. Let it go!! Let it go!! echoed throughout the car.

The look on my daughter-in-law’s face! Ha! Hours later, here I am still chuckling. She said “SOMEONE put batteries in Elsa!,” and Bird said joyfully “Yes, Mama! Elsa talks!

(After three years of not speaking, I think this is an achievement for Elsa.)

From babysitting to school theater : we hurried to a 6:30 p.m. showing of Peter Pan Jr. at my old school. One hour of excitement and enthusiasm by the whole student body. I’m not exaggerating when I say ‘the whole student body’ – the cast includes students from second grade through middle school. The school is proud to perform theater that is intentionally inclusive, student-led, and student-centered. The elementary students perform in chorus and dance ensembles, while the middle schoolers carry the lead roles. Students manage the backstage, lighting, microphones, promotional materials, ticket sales, everything. The school has been abuzz with this production for weeks on end. The play was offered four different evenings, and last night was its final showing. 

I do wish the sound system was better – there were moments when I couldn’t discern what someone said or sang; however, joy was radiating throughout the auditorium. I was overwhelmed and awed by seeing so many former students, all at once. I retired in June 2020, and even my little three year olds from that last year of teaching were there on stage as second graders. So many hellos, hugs, and good wishes. My high of the night: witnessing a formerly nonverbal, special needs student on stage singing in a chorus – there are not enough words to describe this beautiful emotion.

Elsa, Anna, Peter, Wendy, too, too much. A very, very good ‘too much.’

How happy I am to be in silence today.

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#SOL24-26 Oldest

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
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My oldest brother, holding me.

Growing up, I was the only girl in the midst of four brothers: One, Two, me, Three, Four; it was a lucky start to life, I think. I could offer a ‘slice of life’ on each brother, but today I think I will focus on the oldest (let’s call him ‘One’). He and I were recently on vacation together; we have stayed close all our lives; our spouses get along beautifully, too, and we all enjoy exploring new places together. 

Of course, over vacation, we went down memory lane together, sharing stories. 

He was always kind to me and lots of fun. I was four years younger than him, and he would let me tag along; he never seemed to mind me hanging around. Whenever we moved somewhere new, One would investigate the neighborhood. We were a military family, meaning we had a migratory existence – moving around from place to place. One was always curious about everything. Often when he discovered something worthwhile, he’d tell me about it and we’d hop on our bikes and go there together. An example – I have fond memories of being alongside him to watch the drawbridge go up and down, when I was six years old and we moved to Mystic, Connecticut; this bridge was about a mile from our home, and he took me there regularly because we were both fascinated by the feat. 

One taught me so many card and board games, and he won 90% of the games all the time ( I think I was the only sibling that didn’t get frustrated by all this losing). I quickly learned to avoid Monopoly with him; I would lose resoundingly and it seemed pointless to engage. He remembers me tormenting him at chess; I had such a hard time learning this game that I began to mirror his every move with my pieces – which kind of takes the fun out of it, yes?

I still laugh at the memory of my mother and I coming home from grocery shopping at the Navy commissary and he and brother Two had climbed up on the roof of the old Victorian we lived in, pushing out an old skylight; oh, how my mother screamed. Yes, One was always a risk-taker.

Here I am with brothers One and Two.

The most ridiculous fight I remember having with my oldest brother was when I was about ten years old, and I was searching for something in my room. (What was it? Well, obviously not important enough for me to remember this many years later, but I really needed it at the time.) I remember he stood in the doorway and  sagely advised me “you will find it in the last place you look.” I yelled back in exasperation – “NO, I WON’T!” I searched my dresser drawers and found it in one – and I realized immediately what he meant, that the search was over. He said “See?” and I opened several more drawers and faked the search continuing. 

There was a lot of pain in our childhood, growing up with a distant, workaholic father and a mentally-ill mother, and I believe I was truly buffered from a lot of hurt by my older brothers, especially, One. We shared so many interests and I have many positive childhood memories of being with him. Thank goodness for him enjoying my company. Yes, my oldest brother made me feel safe, seen, and loved. 

All you need is One. 

Oldest Brother

reading me passages
from his comic book
making me feel seen

card games, board games
though Monopoly never took
he held all the green

teaching me strategies 
of chess, bishop and rook
capturing my queen

so clever, so funny
his laughter a hook
quick wit in his genes

meandering bike rides
wandering discover look
always happy, never mean
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#SOL24-25 No Fanfare

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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As I set the table for our family brunch, I had this moment of amazement: our youngest grandchild eats with a regular plate, a regular fork, and a regular cup. Everyone has a place setting of “adult-ware.” Wait – when did this happen? We have a bin full of children’s unbreakable dishes and tiny spoons and forks, and no one needs them anymore. We babysit the grandkids for a day or two each week, and somehow I missed this? How long have we been serving them with regular utensils? Right under our eyes, they have moved on. I wasn’t even aware that there was a ‘last time.’

There must be countless other examples; let me think –

  • all the baby clothes that no longer fit 
  • now they put on their own socks and shoes
  • they open their own yogurts and cheese sticks 
  • they know how to wash and dry their hands
  • when I am watering plants, they actually help me … whoa …

When we go for a walk these days, it’s the baby dolls who get strolled – and the granddaughters who do the pushing and caregiving.

Our babies have grown. 

I seriously don’t know when it happened, and I wish there was some way to slow it down. Yes, yes, I realize they are still quite little (ages 5 and 3), but this is astounding to me. 

From one stage to the next, time passes almost invisibly. No fanfare, no pushing, no demanding, it just happens, in the midst of living. 

I tried my hand at a triolet, to hold my reflections –

holding you close

oh my sweet dear one 
tender as morning dew
kissed by adoring sun
oh my sweet dear one
life’s magic being spun 
beaming light anew
oh my sweet dear one 
tender as morning dew

#SOL24-24 Fitness

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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How much effort would it take to pop into my son’s home gym for a few minutes when we go to babysit our granddaughters, one or two days each week? Wouldn’t this be a great way to add strength training to our walking routine?

This was our goal. We honed in on it around the new year, when one is supposed to be amending their ways. We stated the goal aloud to our son, who echoed our thoughts about the importance of strength training as we age. Everyone agreed, this was a good idea.

There the new exercise routine sat, in our imagination. We took no further steps for many weeks.

Late February rolled around, and we still hadn’t started to work on this resolution. My son offered to give us a little coaching, to create a brief routine that we might complete in 15-20 minutes. We dropped by his house on a non-babysitting day and he showed us seven basic exercises – five of which do not require special equipment and we are able to do at our own home, with hand weights. He recommended two to three sessions each week. 

Sure!

Not. 

What keeps getting in the way? I don’t know. It is HARD to start new stuff. 

On our long drive home from vacation last week, Tony and I agreed to revisit the goal, to begin doing the exercises. Starting the very next day, we would do the five that required no special equipment, and practice these at home. 

Wait, what were these five exercises? 

That tomorrow became tomorrow’s tomorrow’s tomorrow. Finally, I said: Let’s start!! I opened up the notes I had taken on my phone and tried to decipher the exercises. Truthfully, too much time had passed; we no longer remembered what each exercise ‘looked’ like. How were we supposed to hold our bodies for each one? 

In lieu of working out, I decided to make a project of my notes: Using the terminology my son used when he coached us, I looked up each exercise on the internet. I read as much as I could find on each exercise, paying particular attention to suggestions and advice for how best to hold your body. Then, I drew diagrams of our body positions in a small notebook, to keep with our weights in the basement. 

(Do you see how ‘academic’ I am about procrastination, successfully avoiding the actual exercises with a creative diversion?)  

In my defense, I moved my body into position for each exercise so that I might understand directions and draw a better diagram (although I did not hold hand weights). These are silly images, I think – but I am a person who needs visuals and they do help me. Here’s one for “squats with weights”:

I shared my new visual guide with my son, who said “This is great, Mom! Good job!” (One of those exchanges when I feel we have flipped positions, he the parent, I the child…how much more of this awaits, as I age?) 

Then he looked at the guide and said – Mom, I never showed you this exercise, #2:

(Him) This is very advanced, done by bodybuilders. Did you try this? 

(Me) No, I just drew it. I was wondering why I didn’t remember it. It did seem challenging.

(Him) Here, let me show you the original exercise, which is really more of a stretch, something you can do any time of day, and will help you ease your aching feet and calves. It is great for knee health. Really, this is a good exercise for you. You do not need hand weights.

He demonstrated the stretch and I took photos, and then, of course, I had to draw it out and add it into our exercise booklet:

He proceeded to look through the rest of my drawings and descriptions, and made a couple minor corrections. The exercise drawings are all set now. Nothing prevents us working out!

I wonder, how often do I overthink? How often do I make the simple unnecessarily complicated? There is real wisdom in that old Nike ad: just do it. 

Tomorrow. 

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#SOL24-23 Girls’ Day

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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A couple times a year, my sister-in-law and I slip away together for a ‘girls’ day,’ a day of fun. We enjoy visiting flea markets, in particular, and that was our pleasure this week. We visited the “Vintage Vibe Market,” a spring fair with varied vendors at a local fairground in Howard County, Maryland. 

We both enjoy crafts, especially recycled crafts – or ‘upcycle,’ when something old is turned into something all new. In reality, we are almost professional browsers – neither of us needs another thing for ourselves or our home, and we have our ‘looking’ down to a science:

We walk through the booths and take snapshots of things that catch our eye, and then we re-evaluate at the end. Do we really like it? Do we really want it? Do we really need it? Like I said, we don’t need anything…so the final answer is typically no. 

However, the browsing is great fun! I suspect you can learn a lot about a person by what catches their eye at a flea market. Let me tell you more about myself through things I adored:

Bumblebees made out of metal, to hang in the garden, those are so cute…decorative beaded chains to display – well, where exactly? … hmm… stuffed carrots, for Easter? what would the granddaughters response be to this? aren’t they precious, though…wait, a tic-tac-toe game created in an Easter theme, that’s a fun idea…birdhouses carved out of wood, to hang in the garden….

upcycled painted door

I was fascinated by this crafter’s handiwork on an old cabinet door. I saved (hoarded?) my old kitchen cabinet doors as painting surfaces for my granddaughters…I wonder if I could play around with one or two myself? This design was lovely, I thought. But where does one put such a piece, when the artwork is completed? Looks great in a flea market.

tea towel quote

This quote on a tea towel had me chuckling. There are tea towels and wood signs for any message one’s heart desires. There are too many things I want to say to settle on one message, I think.

It was a full and fun day of browsing – good company, good conversation, good bric-a-brac, too. Plus, we showed great restraint and came home with ideas and not more junk for our households – well, I fib. I did buy one silly thing for my husband:

A mushroom doll, lol

Fungi for my fun guy! Yes, this silly doll is really for the grandchildren… at least I didn’t buy two, right?

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#SOL24-22 Blooms

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
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Cherry blossoms in Sligo Creek

“Many eyes go through the meadow but few see the flowers within it.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I returned from my walk, I decided to take a slow wander through my yard and photograph all the pretty blooms of spring that are popping up. Most days, I come and go without stopping, and this is true of flowers, too. Let me stop and savor them for a moment – and share them with you.

My yard is bursting with lenten roses (hellebore), I love these so much. I’ve written about these before, how they are one of the earliest blossoms, often beginning in late January. Here, at the start of spring, they are full and luscious, standing tall, as if waving hello, welcoming all the other spring blossoms.

“Where flowers bloom, so does hope.”

Lady Bird Johnson

We’ve sprinkled the yard with daffodils, “a variety of varieties,” and often slip more into the ground each fall, in random locations, just because we can. They make the world merry, yes?

“If we could see the miracle of a single flower, clearly our whole life would change.”

Buddha

It is a bit early still for tulips, one small delicate yellow tulip has decided to defy that timeline. What a joy to find this little friend! This one is soaking in bright sun, and warmed up before all the others, I suppose.

We have planted pink and white hyacinths in a reckless “I have no idea where to plant these!” manner. They are hiding in corners, under shrubs, and, today, are winking a cheery spring hello. These are always a bit earlier than their cousins, the deep blue wood hyacinths, which are sending up buds and are probably a week or two away from full bloom.

The forsythia bushes are in their full glory today. I am so glad I stopped to witness these.

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”

Frances Hodgson Burnett
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