Back It Up

It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you  Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

Dear Lower Back,

I write this standing at the counter
since you refuse to let me sit down 
in my cozy chair
I am sorry that I ignored you
all this long time
I admit, I didn’t think about you
at all during these many good months
and that was so wrong of me
I know you are always there for me
supporting me, helping me, bearing with me
and I should have included you 
in all my other pursuits 

The last time things were dark and dirty 
between us
I recognized 
there is work I need to do on a regular basis
to focus on you, build you up, support you
we are together forever in this journey called life
takes two to tango

How long will it take me to learn this fully?
Not just when you get upset?

I know enough about apologies 
to recognize defensiveness and excuses
I want to be humbly apologetic, but . . .
couldn’t you give me a heads up that
I have abandoned you again?
(Just reading this, I see my ego, my self-absorption;
I apologize for this, too)
but . . .when I am in the throes of other ills
this is when you unleash your anger at me?
hurting me at my lowest
feels very calculated and controlling
from my view at the counter here

deep cleansing breath

let’s build on our relationship
I promise to do better by you
one step at a time
today forward
we are one

Love, me

I wrote this letter/poem of apology to my back just a few days ago, when things were falling apart. I have had a tough week, healthwise. After hoping to the contrary, I contracted Covid-19 after all, falling ill the day after last week’s SOL. I thought I had escaped the virus. Not to be. 

This was my first time contracting the disease and I gotta say – I am not a fan. I have some low grade back issues, and I have been able to keep these in check through regular exercise. This past week, it was as if the virus settled right inside my lower back and held it in some sort of clench. I could not bend without excruciating pain. I moved with caution and trepidation. Shifting my body to get out of bed involved minutes of motor planning, thinking through my best approach. Sitting felt terrible. 

Although my body was exhausted from the virus, I kept standing and walking around – ever so slowly. Vertical was the least painful position. Nothing was automatic anymore. Basic movements, such as putting on my socks or lifting my feet onto a footstool, were beyond my ability. Any surprise or unforeseen movement resulted in searing sensations that simply locked me up, immobilized. Here’s a challenge – try to sneeze or cough without moving unexpectedly. Here’s a second challenge – try to get through Covid-19 without sneezing or coughing. 

I was a mess. 

The pain was particularly acute during the first day or two, as I struggled with a fever. Then, the fever lifted, and the dagger-like pain in my back subsided substantially. 

I reached out to my son who is, unfortunately, very informed about lower back pain, having lived with it since high school due to an injury. My text: What are the top five things you do for a lower back flare up?  He wrote –  

#1 Avoid the seated position. Sitting is the devil. Lie down on your back or stand whenever possible. (Of course, I was sitting when I read his response - only to stand back up, with a chuckle.)
#2 Walking is the best exercise. It loosens up the back.
#3 Assume the supine position with your knees up and feet on the floor. Tighten your core with your back braced against the ground. 
#4 Heed your Transverse Abdominal Muscles (TAs). Look up where those are and practice tightening them. Keep these tight.
#5 When all else fails, heat and ice!

I thanked my son for his helpful response, and he texted back – Of course! Happy to share about one of my few true areas of expertise. Lol. 

I am living that expression “new lease on life.” Covid-19 is on its way out of my body; I feel better each day. I am back to my self-care basics – simple back exercises completed upon waking, before I leave my bed. The yoga mat is unfurled for daily conditioning. I am recommitted to my fitness and health goals – and I will move towards these with care. To a healthier back! 

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