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Tag: marriage

Being Coupled

Published on November 28, 2023 
It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you  Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

I slipped into bed unusually early – around 9pm, leaving him alone in front of the television, unwinding from the day. I was so exhausted, all I wanted was sleep. I didn’t have the mental capacity to watch anything. Bone weary. Beyond fatigued. Done.

I slipped under the sheets, settled my body, and counted the hours of sleep that awaited me: 9 to midnight – that’s 3, plus 6 more…nine hours of sleep! This was going to be glorious.

Only my body settled. My mind began to skip, run, race about, a bit pinball-like: 

tomorrow's to do's
                                                        today's horrible headlines
                      addiction runs in our family
                                                                                                   oh my, so much pain in the world
unending war

I started a meditative body scan, sending soft, calming breath into my toes, and working my way up…the base of my foot…the ankle…my failsafe technique for calming down…breathing in fully, exhaling softly. Before I had made my way to my knees, I was riddled with questions, mulling over moments from the busy weekend…

was that a rude tone, or am I just imagining it?
                                          I should have insisted
                                                                                                       wait, am I hungry?
              how serious is their relationship?

       should I get out of bed and write that down before I forget?

Time to try the body scan again.

And, fail.

I. Was. Alert. 

My body wanted to be in this warm, cozy bed but my brain did not.

Back and forth, I went …and then I saw that it was now 10:30pm, and I groaned: This is ridiculous!

A groan heard by hubby.

Hon, you still awake? I’m going to turn the light on to find my chapstick.

The light blasts on immediately and I race to cover my eyes with my pillow, groaning – What?! I’m trying to sleep!

But, you aren’t asleep, so the light doesn’t matter.

BUT!! What was your strategy for finding the chapstick if I WAS asleep? 

My strategy for finding my chapstick? You are a teacher! Ha!, he chuckles and turns off the light, giving me a gentle kiss.

G’night, hon.

G’night. 

Within seconds, I hear his breathing transition into the deep, luxurious exchanges of him sleeping…

Oh, this was not fair.

I concentrated on his breath and tried to breathe along with him, freeing my mind of all other nonsense, just breathing… in, in…out, out, out…in, in ….

And then it was morning.

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SOLSC #12 – Anniversary

Published on March 12, 2023 
It is Tuesday and time to write a 'Slice of Life." 
Thank you  Two Writing Teachers for creating this supportive community
of teacher-writers!

Happy Anniversary, to Tony and me! We were married 35 years ago…which I understand is the ‘coral’ anniversary. It was appropriate that we were at a beach last week, I guess. 

We are actually apart for our ‘anniversary day’ this year. He is traveling to visit with family, while I am in Connecticut for a bridal shower (as I mentioned in yesterday’s post). 

The bridal shower cake – isn’t this exquisite?

There have been several years where we have had to be apart on our anniversary day, so we plan a celebration before or after the date. When the kids were young, and money was tighter, we didn’t always go out for our anniversary – but we had a ‘date night’ in, with the children ushered upstairs to bed as early as possible, followed by a special dinner for just the two of us.

Now that we are retired (my third year, his seventh year), we are awed by how much fun together we can weave into our life. We have so much flexibility to head out on a local hike or a walk in our favorite park, pretty much any day of the week. Thirty-five years in, we still enjoy being together very, very much. 

We have never been big gift-givers with each other, and the older we get, the less we seek having more stuff. We love time together and new experiences, a time apart from others, just the two of us. A couple years ago, we tried to write a list of what we did each year to celebrate – and we were so surprised by how many years we simply could not remember. What are our favorite places? The mountains, without a doubt. Hiking – yes, sheer joy. A room with a view of water or the ocean – ooh, that’s nice. A new city or town, to stroll around and investigate. It’s all good! 

Truth is, I love the touch of his hand with mine, as we fall to sleep – we can make that happen anywhere. 

I sent Tony this photo collage first thing this morning – every photo is less than one year old. We are truly blessed!

Happy Anniversary to us!

We Are From

Published on February 14, 2023

Have you ever written an “I am From” poem? I was introduced to these at a teachers’ pre-service professional development many years ago. The facilitator had each staff member write a poem in this style, and then we shared our poems aloud with each other. These poems were an excellent way for colleagues to get to know one another, generating a great deal of reflection and conversation.

This past weekend, Tony and I went on a couples’ retreat with our marriage enrichment group. We facilitated a workshop – – which is really a bit funny, since we’d never been on a marriage enrichment retreat before. Anyhow, there we were.

We had complete flexibility on our topic, something that would get the couples interacting and ‘dialoguing’ with each other. As we mused about our session, I remembered this fun poem sharing from my teaching days. I decided to change it up a bit – 

What if we wrote “We Are From” poems? 

What if we had everyone think back to how their love relationship began – to go down memory lane? 

What if we helped everyone to ‘brush the dust off’ their marriage foundation, to go deep about what brought them together in the first place…and just hold onto this magic for a bit?

We handed out pens and pads of papers. Each person worked individually, writing down three to five brief answers in a list form to the following questions:

  • Place – where did you meet? spend time? what are characteristics of the place, location, neighborhood, room?
  • Who – was there anyone else there? who else was important or stands out from that time? were the two of you alone? 
  • Food – what did you eat? anything special? homecooked? restaurant? party? add some sensory details, here
  • Music or sounds – what did you hear? listen to? any special songs jump out at you?
  • Activities or games – what were you doing? What was going on?
  • Words – what do you remember being said? Any phrases come back? Funny expressions?
  • Smiles/Laughs – what made you feel joy back then? When you think back to your special connection with one another, what makes you smile?
  • BONUS – look over your list and add in any other joyful aspects that come to mind of this memory…special emphasis on smells, feels, tastes, sights, sounds

After everyone wrote a list of their own, we broke into couples, to discuss the memories privately.  The couples turned their chairs to look directly at each other, held each others’ hands, and slowly read their lists to each other, repeating the phrase – “we are from” at the beginning of each line. This was so sweet!! 

As a grand finale, couples were invited to create one “We Are From” poem together – and to share these with all of us. These stories/poems were absolutely beautiful to hear aloud. 

When we reflected on this exercise, many people noted how their partners offered new memories – remembering different things. Everyone agreed that it was really dear to remember the earliest moments of their love stories.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

This was our view from our hotel window, Kent Island, Maryland

It’s Tuesday and I’m grateful to be sharing with Two Writing Teachers

On buoyancy

Published on October 6, 2022

Chris Margocs’ inspirational prompt for this Spiritual Thursday is to write about (or is the word ‘towards’?) those who have passed and left something behind in our hearts. 

Oh my, this writing prompt could not be more appropriate for this day. 

You see -
my father, 
a Rear Admiral in the U.S. Navy,
died two years ago, 
at the end of the first summer of this pandemic. 
Today, October 6, 2022,
he is being interred at Arlington Cemetery, in Washington, D.C.,
in a joint ceremony, with my mother alongside him;
my mother preceded him in death some four years ago.

Our family has waited a long time for this precious day.

This passage of time makes it easier to talk and share about them. Time has healing powers through its ability to vary the lens on the past, to let one reflect in different ways and to be surprised by memories in unexpected moments. I marvel at how grief and time have combined to make memories of events for which I was not present, causing me to think deeply about my parents’ childhoods, their marriage, on and on. It is truly a blessing to have so many memories – the gift of time.

As my family and I prepared for this special day – this celebration of my parents’ lives – I kept coming back to this one photo, a photo taken on their wedding day, in June, 1954. They were married at the Naval Academy, right after Dad graduated. Let me share the photo here – 

My parents were married 64 years before Mom passed. This photo from their wedding day simply makes me smile. It is a treasure to have. Today, at the funeral reception, I am going to celebrate my parents with a short poem about this photo. Let me share it with you here, now.

Just look at this photo -

the twinkle in their eyes
the happy clench of their hands
the gentle lean of their heads
captivating looks 
captured for the ages

this is love at the launch
when fair winds beckon
before two souls set for sea
no storms in sight

what if 
this very moment of buoyancy
is what holds 
all the power and force
to maneuver through rough waters ahead

a love anchor 
stored on the underside of marriage’s hull
at the ready
throughout

what if 
this is our finding
this is the knowledge gained
from their sea trial?

the wonder of
meeting one another’s eyes
holding the gaze and smiling

such a simple joy
to return to 
again and again and again

whether spoken unspoken
love heals 
love hopes 
love holds
love always
always love
the whole of time

just look at this photo . . .
On the first Thursday of each month, writers share their thoughts on spiritual topics.
Each month, a different host selects the instigation.